My name is Tony. I'm the greatest loser you'll ever know. I'm broke. My wallet has dust on it. I'm unemployed. I'm unemployable. So is my whole family. I don't have my own place. I live with my mom. I can't drive. I can't even ride a bike. I did have a bike-tire parked up my ass-crack, though. I'm still a virgin. I haven't had a girlfriend in 15 years. I've been beat up, arrested, robbed, mauled by animals, stalked, starved, dragged around a parking lot by my own mom's car...You name it. This blog is like religion: just believe it. Everything I tell you is as true as I am stupid.